My day isn't so bad

It's Monday and was definitely feeling like it.

My crazy kids decided that they would run around for 15 minutes instead of putting their shoes on.  We left the house 10 minutes late.  I walked into work (early, shockingly) and people were already lining up for me to help them with something.

I also found out that they are having a ceremony for my boss at my previous job.  She passed away at Thanksgiving and they are putting her name on a plaque.  I wasn't invited.  A former coworker who hadn't worked there in about three years sent me a text to ask if I was going to be there.  I know it seems like an incredibly trivial thing, but I worked there for over 10 years and I'm hurt.  I didn't leave on a "bad note", or at least I don't feel like I did, so I'm not sure why.  Part of me wants to just show up, but I guess that's kind of selfish. Anyway, I was definitely feeling the need to be a martyr coming on.

Shortly after that, a coworker asked me how it was going.  I whined and told her about the snub and said it was making me kind of pissy today.  I asked her how she was and here's when I felt like a complete jerk.  She said she had a horrible weekend - she fell and sprained her wrist and got dumped by her girlfriend of 1 1/2 years.

She started to get teary and I do not deal well with crying people.  Nope, it's not because it makes me cry, unless it's something that I probably should be crying about (like someone dying).  I know convention would say - I'm a girl and that should make me equipped to comfort people with the perfect statement and action.  Yeah, right.  I did give her a hug, told her that sucked and apologized and said I definitely had nothing to complain about comparatively.  She said that she didn't want to be here today, but is glad for the distraction that's keeping her from just sitting in her apartment dwelling on it.

As I said, I felt like a complete jerk and my whining for the day was abruptly silenced.

My problem was/is so minimal compared to her heartbreak.  I know that a lost love doesn't exactly rank up there with world hunger or some other things, but, I would say that it's possibly worse than losing someone to death (in the top 5 of "worse than your problem" list).  In death, both sides are without control or decision; the person who passed didn't want to go or leave their loved ones behind.  When someone's heart gets broken, the worst part is dealing with the fact that the other person left and is still out there.  Most people will say that suffering and pain are a fate worse than death and I am inclined to agree.








  

The opposite of love?

I am feeling the need to be philosophical -

Last week I had a song stuck in my head but couldn't remember which song it actually was. A search for the lyrics that I could remember, “the opposite of love’s indifference,” brought up more than I really wanted to think about! I didn't realize that at least one source of the quote is an interview with Elie Wiesel. He is an author and journalist who was imprisoned as a teenager in Auschwitz and two other concentration camps during World War II (his book Night is very good). The full quote is about more than love. “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”  Who better to give us a quote about indifference in regard to love and hate, but a man who experienced some of the worst hatred and indifference in history?

Anyway, back to the search. In addition to the info. about the quote, there were also a lot of message boards asking about the validity of this statement. Is the opposite of love really indifference or is it hate and why? I couldn't resist reading a few (yes, I got sucked in). One person commented that indifference, or no feeling, could not be the opposite of love because it is neutral. His reasoning was that if love = 1 and indifference = 0, then they could not be opposites because the opposite of 1 is -1 or hate.

I thought I had the answer pinned down – an infallible argument. However, the more I thought about it, the more questions I had - ugh!

(1.) Is there one true and constant definition for opposites? (2.) Is it 1 vs. 0 or 1 vs. -1? (3.) If there are both types, does it just seem like they are different when really they are the same?

This is what I came up with (after a lot of second-guessing and arguments with myself) based on his “equations…

A lot of opposites are the limits of the two sides. One is a point that you can’t add to and the other can’t be taken away from. I consider these to be equal to 1 vs. 0. For example, light vs. dark or the presence/absence of all light. Similarly related is black vs. white or the presence/absence of all color. You can’t have more than the complete presence or less than the complete absence of something. More examples are: full/empty, everybody/nobody, yes/no, all/nothing, top/bottom, etc. However, you can have something in the middle of both properties (half-empty, gray, somebody); it isn't just all or nothing because there can be “something”. There is an absolute 0 and they are not truly mutually exclusive.

Other opposites are infinite sides of a neutral or constant. The two sides are truly mutually exclusive; I think these would be looked at as 1 vs. -1. The neutral or 0 is the “here and now”, a certain point or a state of being or existence between the two. An example is above vs. below, above = 1 and below = -1. Something cannot be both above and below something at the same time. This makes the 0 the fulcrum, not the absolute 0 or end. These also include positive/negative, open/closed, offense/defense, left/right, future/past, follow/lead, come/go, etc.

I guess the answers to my questions are: (1.) I don't think so, although I'm sure that someone can prove me wrong. (2.) Both exist. (3.) There are differences, but a lot of similarities. They can be hard to distinguish. Some would argue that they are the same and that the differences are an illusion.

So, I've finally reached the question that started it all. 

Is indifference the opposite of love or is it hate? 

You have to think about how emotions are measured for your answer.

Is our mind/heart like a cup which has a limited capacity for each emotion individually? Is it possible to overlap the supposedly opposite feelings, i.e. feeling love and hate for something/someone at the same time in varying degrees? Is indifference the absolute zero of all emotions? Can it be said that emotions are less than nothing?

OR

Is indifference the fulcrum of opposing emotions? Are they mutually exclusive, i.e. love it OR hate it, but never both? Do our emotions/feelings grow without end on either direction of indifference?

In the end, I think the answer is that there is no right answer, only what you decide. Am I wrong?